Well well well..

After outIng today
i think the feeling is lesser
nt that strong any more
mayb i just think too much
with so long nt meeting up

Guess..
he still in love with the ex..
but somehow just with some reason
nt getting back together..

After so long..today is the 2nd time
v watch movie together
kinda reminds me of the past
but anyway..is past rite

I use to think
whether can i have
the 1 that love me much
and i love too
and also the 1 i use to in love with
and having feelings too

Just like sis..haha
sound pathetic
Well,guess is time to leave out
and let it be..
should concentrate more on baby
than jon..

What wrong?why?

Guess im kinda slow to know
What actually friends for?
When u need only u look for friends?
When u bored u find friends?
When the ur close 1 not there for u?

May be i should admit something
words from mum are right sometimes..
like friends around me..
cant compare with those around sis
with the guy around them either..

After i been to kampar
After i get in a brand new class
After i knew a new gang
May be it can be consider better
compare with those high school mate

Feeling may wrong sometimes
but it may be right though
Ever jia yuan is back..
I guess he dint thought of finding me..this friend
But others did
Ever i meet up with jon..
even he was my ex..
but just because he's bored only find me..this friend

Am i really not worth to be treat better..?
Am i not a good person to be friens with?
Am i so not trustworthy..to be friend?
Am i?

lost

yesterday really had a great time with jon..through out the chatting..we really like a great friends for each other..feeling quite good..!!But im thinking izit good or bad to meet up..after so long..i know i care about this person much..but dint realize it so much..i cant do the same thing as sis doing rite now..i can see,n i know is very bad to do it..baby love me so much..how can betray him..i seem so lost..haiz...any1 can tell me how???

无言

我是不是为了你就不能有男性朋友。。为什么要这样，真的觉得厌倦了。。每一次都是这样。到底是我的问题还是你的问题。。让我觉得不好。。什么你跟别的男子笑就不要你。。难道我们的感情就那么的让你觉得没有安全感。。非要说此话不可吗？！真得很不喜欢这样。。气到了。。！！感觉很无聊。。为了这样的事而闹得不堪。。为什么？是不是只要变得无言。。有很多事情就会变得简单？变得容易解决。。是吗？已经知道你会是个很大男人的男子。。却没想到一变本加厉似的。。该怎么办呢？？又有烦。。没有有烦。。

life go on

Is week 6 and up coming week 7 of the semaster,time really flies men!!Recall back the 1st week of the semaster,was so blur,lost in the middle..duno which class to enter,duno how to settle my payment..and now is rushing asg time for the duedate..!!In this semaster,i get to know lots of new frens..from the beginin in t5~chloe,yuki,peggy,anita,arvin..then turn to t6~the whole class of them and the most closer 1 are cathy,theresa,both vincent,kent..and now we are getting even more closer=),is really happie to know all of them..they are all quite fun..=D..but just somethin happen between me n kent..!!I really dint expect he will actually likes me afterall..and now me n him not that close anymore..maybe just his gf..distance needed..i dint wanna loose this frens..i appreciate all the friendship..i have now,include him..!!I guess, coz of my words,he take it so into it..I just wish that everything will be fine..=D

??

MONEY MONEY MONEY..so bothering me..today just got the bill and the stupid utar admit officer did not delay my due date for my bill..!!Now i really dunno where to get money to pay for it.as i only have 3k but the bill is about 6k plus..haiz..how?end up then no need to study ler..struggle for so long and im finally in degree but haiz..suck!!Dint wanna talk about it with baby as he cant get to help me at the same time guess he's havin the same prob wid me..and he will ask me to get from mum..not i dun want to but i know mum need to pay alot..of things at home..she'll gona suffer to get 3k for me..argggg...what can i do..??will it be the time to give up..even i so not wanted too..where else i dunno how??

..new sem life..

Year 1 sem 1 degree started..though my bill not settle yet but i've attend class for my course PR~public relation..Well,guess i suppose to join t6 class but somehow shally is in t5 and so i join her class and now im t5 student..!!Not sure the head of FAS will close down t5 and t6 class..hopefully they only close down t6..all of us really like t5 alot..and we're use to people in t5..so pray hard they don't..as well as i wanna stay in t5 too..I like the gang..theresa,chloe,yoe and so on..they are nice and friendly..by now,we're just so close..hehe=)..After attend most of the class..it has the interest for each of the subject...i will study well hard for this sem in order to score..=)all the best to myself and also to others..=D

WTH..HAIZ

WHAT THE HELL..STUPID UTAR MEN..!!THIS SEMASTER FEES IS LIKE KILLING ME..HOW AMI GONNA PAY IT..MUM CANT EFFORT TO PAY SO DO BABY..WHAT CAN I DO WITH THE DAMN BILL..LOLZ!!HAIZ..ANYONE CAN HELP ME..??DEAR GOD,WHAT CAN I DO OR WHAT SHOULD I DO..??ANY IDEA..I REALLY GOT SHOCKED WITH THE AMOUNT..I THOUGHT SCIENCE COURSE ONLY SO EXPENSIVE..HOW CAN ART COURSE SO EXPENSIVE AS WELL,SO UNPREDICTABLE..DAMN IT LAH!!!ARG...GERAM BETUL LOH..AIYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

tiring..

What a pathetic day..!!Today went to coll,then collect result from foundation office,follow by went to admite office to hand up a letter to them in order to collect student bill and offer letter..and the lady told me and miaw tze that wait for utar to call..but is hard ar,so better tml i go check see whether can collect anot ler..and plan to make a debit card tomorrow so next time easier to pay or wanna use also can..haha=D..Hopefully after these week then i can attend class properly ler..everything will be new..friends and classmate..i think is shouldnt be a problem for me..wish myself all the best and good luck o..!!Besides,about the bill..dunno how..??should i ask from mum or borrow from baby..??Who can tell me what to do..im worry mum couldnt support..as well as baby..he also mention he's broke adi..some more need him to lend me few k..haiz..money always bothering ppl..damn it!!Pray that god will get to show me ways how can i go on..my live...

等待着。。

要开学了，那就是说我要回金宝了。。回去就有一些事情需要解决，也许不去想那些烦恼反而向我回去就代表我有机会可以和宝贝见面。。真的是一件开心的事啊！！有点迫不及待的感觉，这次回去，也许可以见到一些很久没见的朋友。。比如mc等等。。不晓得会有怎样的一个学期。。有点期待但也有点担心。。或者应该要永远记得宝贝说的一句，不要害怕，面对它，自然就有信心。。！！所以我相信自己是可以应付的，我加油，好好的把第一个学期考好。。不要让自己有遗憾。。=）

pass through=)

Phew..really scared me..im finally pass through my foundation,next sem can go for my degree adi..really thank god and also baby that alwiz support me..be by my side!!As he alwiz told me,face the exam and dun scared of it..guess this the way to go through the exam..=)Now,i get a chance to have my brand new life and studies..i will defenately work it out,appreciate those then give me so much support..!!I would like to congrates to those that pass through as well..happie that get to see them again next sem..keke=p,have a great holiday..

droping...

I dunno what's wrong with me but i know i feeling upset..guess i really mind the words that baby said to me this evening..i feel hurt!! I know just a words with i love u can mean alot to u..as goes to me..but u know my situition and is not the first time..why cant this time u endure with it..like previous??Ur msg..all the words seem throwin on me,suddenly i feel myself so heavy..seem caring somethin..but actually not..i felt breathless..when i went dinner wid yew n sinzee..i've been happie wid them but im not actually..i cant get my brain off thinkin..about the called and those msg..!!Im cryin out there and u just get urself cool and seem nothin..just now on phone i really cant get to express im nothin..but what can i do..im not blaming anything..but whatever lah,since its over..cant change anything that r out..

gambatte!!

Have done 2 paper on monday and tuesday..for acc paper seem like hope down..but i just wanna get a c or a c+..and mass comm paper i think slighly have a lil hope gua..haha=)prayin that god can give a little power to me..!!Now need to concentrate on mangement paper which on saturday..Then arounf everning will need to go for biao jiu jiu's wedding at ipoh..!!Will need to work hard on it ler for management paper...dun wanna bb to get down again..i wish i can just get graduate together wid my love1..hehe..=)as tat day talkin most probably if he will apply for oversea's uni and if he get it then he will be goin ler..im happie with it but at the same time i also understand how he felt that time when i say i wanna came over to kampar..but he's more further..ler..but i love him..i wanna him to be good..everythin for his future i will support him..!!I know u can do it ya..will wait for u..anyhow..hug,love ya

ishh

really wanna pray that she dun coz me problem..can anot!!Alwiz dunno listen from which dumb ass mouth..make my life so trouble..arggg,so dun like it..she make me dun feel like goin back for the sem break..a word so unconfortable..!!Who dun like to go back..home,if i can which she give,of coz i willing to go back even just for 2-3 days..better than nothin..!!the best idea for her as well she can look after me from goin anywhere...i really got nothin to say n have no comment to give about her..haiz,she just do watever she like lah..dun come n bother my life ere..then im thank god...!!

我的他

已经有很久没写了，这几个星期我过得很好。。因为我有他，虽然没有家人的认同，但我还是很开心和他一起。也许，我和他会有很多艰难的日子，但毕竟我还有姐的赞同和支持，对我来说已经很足够了！或许，刚开始的时候会有点顾虑或感觉不好，但和他一起这么久了，他真得让我觉得它可以信任，可以让我靠。。尤其是每当我不开心的时候，还是面对这家人的压力的时候，除了姐，就只有他让我觉得安心。。可以让我的心平复下来！这种感觉是多么的温暖，多么的舒服。我不要求什么，简简单单的就够了。为什么要弄得那么复杂呢？！我不明白，但也不想理会。。现在的我，虽然还是承受着很大的压力，一宗无形的压力，会让人喘不过气来！但我仍然相信我可以挨的过去，一些都会变得美好。所以，要变得坚强一点，因为我有它的陪伴和支持。他所做的一切，让我很感动和温馨。。真得很谢谢他为我付出的一切，不管是金钱还是时间。。全都很宝贵！我会好好的收好。。=）

那个他是我的爱人~他叫叶厚子

....

exam is coming,i feel so worry n kinda stree up thou..just cant stop myself thinking this n that..argggg,n im trying to force myself to study and start to do some past year paper..hopefully it really get to help me to pass through this final..!!my life is just so terrible..full wid lies..dunno when i will get to end all the lies...haiz..even baby cant get to help me..sometimes!!In front of mum n dad is not longer like previous..it had a wall in the middle of us..blocking,as long as they cant accept my life wid some1 else then everything will just need to continue wid lies..n it keep going till the end..!!I really feel tired of all this..but..wat can i do beside hiding n hiding..all the secret..

stay away..men!!

Sometimes i just dunno wat im thinking..
i've baby adi..and im proud to have him
argg...just piss myself..y cant i control
guess will have to stop sms him as well as meetin him up..
cant betroy baby..as he loves me so so much
n i love him too

i should be alert wid the situition now
i have a bf adi..n should't do anything that hurt my bf
no matter we had arguement..anot
just need to stay away from none connection ppl

hehe

im so happie i get to see baby again..past few days been argue wid him..its like almost everyday..i felt so sad..about comp,about train ticket..about i late back from assignment..n so on..so so many till cant get to write down all...!!praying that ntg will happen in between us anymore..i dun wish to have anythin else to argue..its pretty sick of it..that's y i wonder y xueni n the bf can be so good..izit bcoz the bf too listen to her till he doesnt have any chance to speak out...well,i dunno..i wish me n baby can like tat..!!Dis time i come..baby promise wont angry and be scold me..i really love him so much..guess after so long..it doesnt matter if paretns do not accept him..i only care..how much he loves me n i love him too..=)

hmmm

i just dun like to recieve called from mum
make me feeling 1 kind..haiz
wat n where she get news again..aiyo
can she jz dun coz so many prob...
make my life easier can anot?
arggg..gik hei ar...
i juz wan a easier life
i juz wish everythin can go easier now
can i deserve to have it??hmmm

phew..thou

It seem like home still in good condition with according wat sis told me..at the same time,i also pray that ntg happen at home as well as my things they dun get to know too..!!This is wat i wan now..n i will study damn hard..i wanna prove that i can do it..!!Dun bother about,how others look at me..i just dun wanna baby to get disappointed again..=)..gambatte...

pray..

today had acc midterm..thank god is not tat hard..but hopefully i did it correctly..haha,dun wish to have any mistaken happen thou..im now prayin hard that about the bill thingy..parents dunno..im so damn worry and scare..!!Its really make me cant get to slp well..today went to finacial department ask..then need to write a letter to cancel the cheque and ask them to send in the cheque to kampar campus..pray..n god pls save me..dis time..!!i will thank you god so much..

dyin

got so many to worry..
really dunno how??
any1 can help me??
my assignment that need to hand up 2molo
my acc test tomolo..
the refund bill..??
i so worry parents recieve the bill
i so worry everythin gone
i so so worry..
my assignment dunno how to hand up..
argg...
im like dying..
god can u help me..
i dun wanna end my life like tat
plssssssssssssssssssssss
i really need help so much..

VAlentine's gift

Althought me n baby did not get to celebrate valentine on valentine's day but somehow we have a lil gift for each other..hehe=),im so happie the 2 days plus at baby's hse..on the sunday night,he came all the way just to fetch me to his place..so touchin..!!On the next day which is monday..i woke up super early due to coughing did not get to slp well..then i look at my slping baby..slp till so sweet..i dint wanna wake him up at 1st..but,i was too bored,so i decided to be bad to baby n wake him up..haha..=D,so evil..well,then we had our shower n ready for out break1st+lunch..during lunch time,i met his 2 aunts n his grandma..his aunt were really funny..how nice if in my family can communicate so well..no matter who..but nvm..!!Then,back to his hse and i continue my drama time n he played his game...as usual..eventhought we do not been to anywhere..but just accompany each other is adi more than enough..At nite,we drank wine..guess wat i took about few cups and make me fall asleep adi..but im not drunk..!!Honestly,i really slp quite well during the whole nite even i still having cough..but is like super much better..get enough rest of it..Then the next day(tues),baby accompany me take ktm to kl centre then bought the ticket for me..n he even accompany me go down to take ktm,actually he's not suppose to go down to ktm..haha..how nice is my dear lou gong..so sweet n caring..love him so so much..=)Had a great time wid him..enjoyed thou is short..

gift from baby.to me
from to baby..from me

forget it..

After yesterday ben bought me lunch and came over to my place..then,i realize i cant do anything else that will hurt baby..baby really treat me very good and love me alot..mayb i should have stop doing all kind on stupid things and just and only love baby..!!is enough of tears from arguement..now,we only want smile from each other..i believe that me and baby can last till today is all because of him..the way he endure me,trust me..therefore,i will appreciate this relationship alot..and forget about watever shit from ben!!baby,i love u..muakz=)

how?

I really dunno wat's wrong wid me
When baby say wanna see me
i really dun have the mood the meet up
im not ready to see him..
dun wan him to find me at dis time
hard to say that dun wanna meet
haiz..
also dunno how

no matter how much he miss me
cant wait till valentine only meet?
arggg

haiz

i really dint expect that sis will rather let go her love than keepin the relation wid parents..i did not wish things become like tat..!!feel myself bad that im not beside sis and give her support..wish she can actually stay strong wid her decision..and at the same time hopefully they dun trouble sis anymore..i know how it feel that need to let go the love 1..when is still fallin in love the person..!!Haiz..also dunno wat's going on..who r those damn ass..telling tha saw this,saw that..super annoiying..really want those ppl go hell lah..argggggggggggg!!super gik hei...

waiting...

Well..after talking to baby last nite..really cant wait to see him..just like wat he said,thou we did not meet for a month but it seem like a yr..but anyhow,its really happie to hear from him that will come n find me..=)so exciting..!!Yesterday sis text me n tell me what she heard mum told the aunty..no matter is talking about me or sis,perharp both of us..it still cant get to turn everythin off like what she n dad want to..i just want my life to be normal,no much things happen,then i'll be glad adi..wish me luck..plzzzzzz,i need luck..!!Hoping the day to reach..then i can see baby..adi ler...faster come ler...

OMG!!

OMG
gone case adi..
what am i doin??
it not suppose to be like tat
i should not care so much..
somemore
he's not whoever to me!!
am i like really bored here??
hmmm,i also dunno
just need ppl to entertain me
i guess is like tat
i think i've been long dint see baby
that's y is like tat
mayb when i get to meet up wid baby
then will back to normal
gosh....

曾经

伟成是我的曾经。。
不可否认
他的确是我最爱的
最关心的一个
就算现在
还是会很关系他
对他的感觉
也模模糊糊的
回想起
和他一起的时间
真的优点怀念

姐对他满意
也许爸妈也会喜欢他
我曾经答过
如果有一天
他找回我
我会如何？
我回答了，不会
但现在
我开始犹豫了
也许真的有幻想过
和他再从心开始

真得很矛盾
不晓得自己怎样
或许现在
暂时不要想
读好书吧！！

wat's wrong

Just within 2 days,and it has so start to complain i did not accompany..I also not sure about myslef,waht am i doin??Is not a big deal argue..just baby is merajuk there..y i seem i did not bother much??i love baby..alot,as well miss him alot too..somehow,i did something bad behind him now..well,i do have a lil enjoy what i had did just now..eventhou i know i shouldn't do that..but it did help me to get empty my mind for awhile..this what i get when im wid him..!!i did not mean to hurt baby..not being mean to show that friends is nore important..haiz,i also dunno ar..better get my studies done 1st..b4 talkin about anythin..or what..!!

goin insane

WHAT'S WRONG??
I THOUGHT IS OVER
Y WANNA TALK BACK?
Y CANT LET GO ABIT?
I KNOW WHAT UR WANT
I WILL TRY MY BEST
TO HIT THE TARGET
IM ALREADY SO STRESS UP
I KEEP QUIET
NOT B'COZ OF WHAT
BUT
JUST DUN WISH TO QUARREL
IS REALLY TIRING!!
HOW MUCH U WORRY
I UNDERSTAND
I KNOW
IM NOT HOPIN ANYTHIN
AND
NOT WANA GET BACK ANY
JUST WANNA GET SOME AIR
I WANNA BREATH!!
STOP TALKING ABOUT THIS MATTER!!!

leave

leavin should be happie
in another way
will get to feel better
than stayin at home


wish that after leavin
things will get better
and
others will remain


it might be sadness
for some people
but
is consider happie
for me


i wont care
what they think
just pray hard
nothin will be change

愿~希望存在

对于亲戚，家人。。都很开心同时也替我开心，但事实上却没有人知道，只有我自己。我很明白，只要把真想说出来，也许就不用则么辛苦了，可是我却不愿意接受另一个噩梦发生。看到爸妈在为我忙碌，为我打点一切，真不想打乱他们。。我只想他们开心，不要再为我担心，这就够了！去金宝，会使我另一个辛苦的开始，还有很多问题要解决。。也许从一开始就不应该只靠老天保有，要自己去争取，或者这样才会有成就吧！！现在的我，不要求什么。。只愿一些还有希望，一切平安，就好了。也不会再要老天给我什么，我只希望老天有灵，就保佑爸妈还有姐身体健康，一切顺顺利利就得了。。让我为一点希望而活。。

sad

Thing is always like that
when i really wish to happen
it did not work out
but when im not
then it just happen suddenly

Just like this time
i was praying so hard
wish can go through this time
but end up
just a word~disappointed~

i started to think
im actually useless
is a small thing yet i cant get to do it
haiz..